A difficult conversation has a history, the beginning, the discussion, the discovery, the closing and the follow up. In order to navigate these conversations well, you must move through each of the steps purposefully and successfully.
The History – It cannot be ignored. People don’t easily forget if they’ve felt ignored, insulted, frustrated, demeaned, or pushed around. Consider what the history looks like from their point of view.
The Beginning – How a conversation starts sets the tone. Plan for the conversation. Put a time on the calendar, share expectations and agree upon an agenda. Then begin purposefully.
The Discussion - Listen more than you speak. Ask clarifying questions to get them talking in a focused manner. Avoid exhibiting emotional reactions – you lose credibility. Keep your focus on the goals of the conversation and speak about what needs to be done, not who is to blame or how they lack ‘initiative’ or ‘focus’.
The Discovery – Find areas of agreement. Compliment their areas of strength. Notice their skills. Discover what is important to them. Identify many possible outcomes and options – not just the best option.
The Closing – Decide what to DO next. What will you do? What will they do? Identify specific items that can be completed in a matter of two to four weeks. These may be small steps toward a larger goal. Movement is good.
The Follow-up – Decide when you will continue the conversation. Even if it is for a very brief, “All good?” conversation, acknowledge the need for that to happen to follow up on loose ends, ensure everyone involved feels the matter is resolved, and create a good history for the next conversation.
Which step do you dread?