Top 10 Rules for ‘How, not If,’ Conversations

15 Oct
by Bridget DiCello

How to address your biggest challenges, not If you will succeed. 

  1. Don’t “Should” all over them 
    When you want to say, “They should have…” question how clearly you have communicated what they should do.
  2. When we talk, “I will… and you will…” 
    Setting this simple agenda can clarify miscommunication, set expectations, and save a whole lot of time and frustration in conversations.
  3. Address the elephants
    Address those issues that fill the room with tension.
  4. Use the Opportunity SpaceTM
    In that moment between when someone does or says something and you respond, ask yourself what you really want to accomplish, where they are coming from and how you are making them feel – before you respond.
  5. Ask clarifying questions
    Get them to talk.  They think, engage and learn best when they talk, not when you do.
  6. There is always a good and valid reason
    For everything someone does and says – even if the resulting behavior is inappropriate.
  7. Listen with genuine interest
    To hear what is important to them, what they expect, and how they are thinking – all to be able to respond in a way that drives results.
  8. Take responsibility for your impact
    You can’t change how they react, but you can change how you approach them.
  9. Tell the truth, tactfully, with specifics
    Pinpoint the specific behaviors you wish someone who ‘lacks initiative’ to change.
  10. What will I and they do differently?
    Doing something small, but different, is what makes change happen, not repeating yourself, and ‘trying harder’.

Succeed by working to determine HOW you can address your biggest challenges, not IF you can overcome those obstacles.

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