Communication

When the Conversation is Not over…

16 Mar

Hey! Has anyone ever wrapped up a conversation you were not done having? Have you felt like you were making progress in a discussion only to have the person to whom you were speaking decide the results were good enough and leave?

Results. A good conversation has great results. However, you cannot stay in a conversation forever, waiting for those great results to happen. People wear out. Some people will talk forever and never get to a solution. Others will talk for a minute or two and be done discussing a situation.

Personalities. Depending on which of those descriptions more accurately represents you, you might find yourself either ending a conversation when the person with whom you are speaking is not done, or needing a longer conversation than the other person is willing to tolerate.

If either person in a conversation is not done, that need must be identified and acted upon in order to bring about the long term results that you want.

What to do?

It’s okay to wrap up the conversation if time is up, either person needs to go, or one person is done.

It’s not okay to ignore someone’s need to continue the conversation at a later time.

It is a good idea to take a break if one person needs it, and acknowledge you are doing so in order to ensure productive use of everyone’s time.

It is not a good idea to leave without some type of summary.

It is a good idea to determine next steps for each meeting participant.

First, ensure you start the conversation with a clear goal in mind. That goal can be referenced to keep the conversation on track, identify next steps, and if needed, determine the need, and the agenda, for a follow up meeting.

Then, when there is either 10% of the meeting left or when one person gets fidgety, start to summarize what has been accomplished, identify any unmet needs and schedule a follow up meeting if needed at a future date. The steps each person will take before the next meeting, and the agenda for the follow up meeting should both be clearly identified, committed to and agreed upon.

Simply escaping a conversation does not mean it has finished, and could cost you a lot more time in the long run.

Nonverbal Communication – Myth Debunked

27 Feb

by Bridget DiCello

There are a lot of messages that a person communicates besides with the words that they say. If you pay attention, their body language can be a significant source of information.

However, if you’d really like to have the master list of what all the possible nonverbal body languages signs (eye contact, crossed arms, slouching, etc.) may mean, I’m afraid you’re out of luck. Most “answers” and generalizations are just not true.

People act differently and communicate differently based on a lot of things, not only what they are feeling at the moment. Not that there is not good information in those nonverbal signals, there is just not one list of the “right” answers that apply to every person in every situation. Here’s a few examples:

Lack of eye contact means they are lying. Well, the amount and nature of eye contact can be telling, but the exact moment it breaks may not be significant.
Folding arms means defensiveness. Maybe. Or maybe they are getting comfortable, or thinking, or relaxed. I’ve personally seen them all, and done them all.
Tone of voice is not the same for everyone. Some people use tone to their advantage. Others purposely avoid changes in tone and pitch. Others have their natural tone that follows them everywhere.
Squaring up to you. Might mean they are becoming aggressive or simply interested.
Feet/shoulders away from you. They could be getting comfortable or disinterested.
Nodding. I’ve always said that when the employee nods, it means nothing. They are probably just trying to get you to stop talking because you believe they agree. They may want you to stop talking because they are confused, bored, uninterested, or just have other priorities at the moment. A nog can also indicate agreement, politeness, “Go away!”, or “I get it!”
Hands closed. They could be withholding information or maybe they just naturally sit that way.
Leaning forward could mean aggressiveness or disinterest.
Leaning back could mean they are thinking or they are disengaged.

Keep in mind that you can think about four times faster than someone naturally speaks. That is why it is so hard to listen. Your brain has so much excess capacity. Therefore, when you speaking to someone, what they do nonverbally may or may not be directly related to the conversation.

What can nonverbal communication tell you? Most importantly, nonverbal communication patterns must be learned.

What are the common patterns for the people with whom you are communicating? What makes them change? How do they hold themselves most of the time? How do they feel most of the time?

Are they often nervous and defensive? Then a change in body language may mean you are relieving their stress and opening up dialog. That’s a good thing.
If they are often participative and productive, a change in body language may mean you have said or done something that has closed the conversation and lost their buy-in. That needs to be addressed.

Determine what triggers them to change tone, posture, eye contact and movements and decide if that change is a good thing. Then, you can adjust your communication in the moment based on their body language and achieve your desired results from the conversation.

And, by the way, words are important too, so brush up on your listening skills, and spend more than 25% of your energy listening to the words in order to gain insight on the entire communication message that the other person is saying!

Egotistical Jerk or Passionate Leader?

14 Feb

by Bridget DiCello

If you’ve ever had the boss who has said,

“My way or the highway!”

“…because I said so!”

“That’s just the way it is,” and

“Get it done yesterday – I don’t care how!”

you may be hesitant to come across like a demanding jerk to your employees.

Jim Collins in his description of a Level V Leader says that level of leadership is attained by a humble yet passionate leader.

So, when do you get tough and lay it on the line, even to the point of saying, “That’s just how it is!” to your employees?

You know you’re being a jerk when…

There is a self-serving motive behind your rant like ego preservation, desire to win/they lose, or desire to intimidate.
You do not take the time to let them speak
You honestly don’t care what they think and don’t feel like they can contribute despite their subject matter expertise.

You know you are being a passionate leader when…

You listen curiously and with genuine interest to what they are saying, combining empathy with high standards in your head.
Your blood pressure starts to rise because they have/or continue to do something hurtful to accomplishing the company vision/mission/goals.
You respond carefully and choose your words to avoid being hurtful AND present the mission/vision component with passion because that is the reason why their behavior is a problem.

You can get excited and passionate about your core values, vision, mission and goals.

You cannot scream and yell because someone made you mad and has frustrated you.

You can get determined and definite when what an employee did interfered with overall accomplishment of goals or the way you want your company to operate.

You cannot get miffed, sarcastic and rude because someone kept you personally from meeting your goal.

The mission, vision and core values of an organization are its backbone – the reason it exists and how business will be conducted. This backbone is something to get excited about and no one will fault you if you get passionate and determined about it, as long as you treat them respectfully (no yelling, swearing, sarcasm, personal attacks or demeaning comments). You may even appear egotistical if you are personally very invested in the core values and vision. But a drive towards an admirable vision is always about more than just your desire to accomplish it, and that will come through to your team.

Turning “Yeah, buts…” into “A-ha’s!”

26 Jan

by Bridget DiCello

Does it drive you crazy when you have a good idea, an original approach or a unique solution and the first thing someone can say is, “Yeah, but…”? It’s time to eliminate those words and turn them into “Yes, and…”

Before we jump ahead, those who routinely offer the, “Yeah, but…” are probably the individuals who ground those of us with wild, crazy and risky ideas. So, it can be a good balance. And their caution may be for good reason and may bring up a valid point of view.

First, open your mind to listen to the objection and ask a clarifying question or two. They say, “Yeah, but what happens when the customer says no?” You might respond, “Let’s look at that for a moment. Which customers do you think would most likely respond that way?” and “What is it, do you think, that would make them feel that way?”

Then, address the elephant. The elephant is the problem or roadblock that is preventing the conversation from continuing in a positive direction in order to explore possibilities. “I hear your concern, and it’s good to hear why you feel that way. Now, I’d like to continue exploring my idea a bit more. Let’s start by looking at the benefits of what’s been suggested.”

Too often, a “Yeah, but…” ends productive discussion because the person who brought up the idea feels shot down, may not continue and may get defensive. The “Yeah, but…” team member who brought up the objection gets defensive in return. They get stuck defending themselves because they haven’t been given any credibility and have not been able to explore their concern at all.

When the clarifying questions are asked, the elephant addressed and the original idea explored, both people are more open to the discussion and good things happen. With both team members engaged in productive conversation, you’re on your way to an “A-ha!” such as, “A-ha! I’ve never thought of it that way! The idea may only apply to the top 20% of our customers, but those are the ones who we’d like to duplicate. My concern was valid that we’d lose some customers, but if we lose some of the bottom 15%, that may be worth the trade off! I’m glad we had this discussion. Let’s do it!”

The Difference between Cheesy Awards & Awards Employees want to Receive

20 Dec

by Bridget DiCello

Have you ever been given a plaque, certificate or trophy that you were very proud to receive? Have you ever received an award that meant very little? What was the difference?

How to give awards that will have an impact:

1. Tie them to business results that matter. Do you give a Perfect Attendance Award? Could the worst employee receive the award if they just showed up every day – even if they did crappy work, annoyed their coworkers and trashed the company on a regular basis? In some industries, attendance is extremely important and this award might make sense, but take the time to determine the business results you most want to reward. These might be components of the company vision or mission, or themes of the yearly goals.

2. Use criteria other than popular vote or owner choice. When you ask for nominations for a particular award, ask for specific examples or reasons for the nomination. Ask the nominator to share a mini story about why this person deserves the “Employee of the Year” award, for example. Use the business results you determined above to ask for comments in those particular areas. Once you gather the nominations, the number of votes is not as important as the content of the stories and examples. Regardless of who is chosen to receive the award, make sure all the nominations get back to the employee so they can read the nice things everyone has said about them. Send them home in a thank you note so they can open it in front of their family.

3. Deliver the award with a bit of a “wow”. Share some comments from the nominations, add your own specifics, keep the suspense about who is receiving the award while you describe it, have a drum roll, and gather as many people as possible, including some key leaders.

4. Give them something cool to walk home with. Certificates and plaques are okay, but I’ve seen some really interesting award “trophies,” whether it be something useful or something pleasant to display.

Before you hand out those awards this year, check them against these criteria to see if they will be seen as cheesy or as sincerely appreciated. What else do you do to make your awards more impactful?

Getting out of a Conversation

14 Dec

by Bridget DiCello

This is certainly the time of year for parties, events and gatherings! And while it’s good fun to visit with friends and family, in the business setting, the professional who attends a good deal of events probably does so with a business agenda in mind. While still enjoyable, the event also turns into an opportunity to build current relationships, initiate new connections and discuss business opportunities.

When you wish to accomplish those objectives, getting “stuck” in a non-strategic conversation can be a problem. Just like making sure you don’t miss anyone on your Christmas card list, it’s important to make sure you see all those people important to your success this time of year.

Why do we get “stuck”?

§ There are a lot of people who are not good at getting into conversations, so they don’t want to leave the security of the one they are in.
If this is you…get out there, make eye contact, shake a hand, go get food or drink – but get comfortable getting into conversations.

§ Maybe the person with whom you are speaking does not think you have learned enough about them and their company yet!
If this is you, this is a major networking mistake. Ask more questions about the other person to build a relationship. Talk less and you will be considered much more interesting.

§ The person who you are speaking with is not there to make multiple connections, just to socialize.
If this is you, more power to you – enjoy yourself, but also open the door for the other person to leave if they are looking for more concrete results from their attendance at events.

§ You don’t want to hurt their feelings by cutting off what they are saying.
If this is you, realize that many people will speak to fill the silence, and may be relieved if you end the conversation.

How can you politely get out of a conversation?

§ Start with a thank you such as:
It was good talking to you…
I’ve enjoyed our conversation…
I was surprised to learn (something you learned about them…)
I hope your (vacation, business venture, event they mentioned) goes well…

§ And finish the sentence with something that says you are thinking about them.
I will let you go mingle and meet some more of the attendees.
I’d like you to meet… (Identify someone you want to introduce them to and take them there.)

§ Or finish the sentence with something you need to do.
I’m going to go try that delicious looking food.
I’m going to go get myself something to drink.
If you’ll excuse me, I see someone I need to catch up with.

There is no requirement that you stay in a conversation for as long as it can possibly last. Especially in a business setting, most people have objectives in their head for what they’d like to accomplish.

Have you ever felt “stuck” in a conversation?

Keeping their Minds on Work

07 Dec

by Bridget DiCello

With parties, cookies, Christmas cards, gift shopping and travel plans to distract your employees, it’s surprising they get anything done this time of year!

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year! Even with all the chaos it may bring, people are happy, there is magic in the air and I agree with Elvis, “Why can’t every day be like Christmas?”

Regardless of the joy of the season, businesses still need to operate and need their employees to stay engaged. What is reasonable to expect from your employees? Is the policy of no personal business, no internet shopping, no personal phone calls or texts at work reasonable?

However you answer those questions, it is essential that you to make a conscious decision about how you will handle the season. Letting employees make their own decision of how much their focus and time needs to stay on work tasks could lead to a situation where you accept their behavior in the beginning and then decide to draw the line at some point, possibly in an unpopular way.

Talk about it. Discuss with employees what you expect them to accomplish in the next month. Will it be different than any other month? What will be acceptable? Can they take extra vacation because you are slow? Less time off because you are more busy? Can they use their work computer at lunch to do their shopping? What do they expect to be able to do? Set the expectation of what you want them to accomplish, reiterating goals expected to be achieved.

Have fun. This is a time of year when most everyone expects to have some fun. Provide the opportunities to do so. Maybe there is a Christmas party out of the office, a festive lunch in the office, a “Dress in your Ugliest Christmas Sweater” day, a gift swap, a paid afternoon to go gift shopping, a service project you will all do together, or a travel agent stopping in one afternoon to help with plans. Whatever might interest your team, plan the month and share the plan.

Businesses still need to operate despite the Christmas spirit that surrounds us all. Set expectations clearly and plan some fun and you’ll be good to go!

The ‘Breaking Down Walls’ Conversation

26 Oct

by Bridget DiCello

The ‘Breaking Down Walls’ conversation is one that has the potential to take working relationships to the next level. You may have been in a situation that is not great, but is not that bad either, it’s just tense. This tension happens routinely as part of one person interacting with another. It becomes a problem when it is not addressed and there is nothing to ease the tension.

With that said, start by asking yourself these questions:

Is it important I break down this wall? Or is it temporary and will go away on its own?
What created the wall in the first place? Was it something I did? Was it something they did? Was it external to work? Was it job pressure of some sort?
What is the opinion of someone I trust about the situation – do they think this is a real wall?
Where is this person coming from?

Walls can be a problem if they keep the work from being done and prevent positive results from being accomplished. They can also be a problem if they cause an uncomfortable situation for those involved. It is important to “clear the air” and often a manager can talk to each employee separately or the two together to mediate. Talking to the two separately can put you in the position of each of them trying to win you over. However, they may get very upset if confronted together.

The best way to deal with the situation is to first talk with each person involved and help them to understand their situation, assuring them you will not be the final judge, just the mentor and coach. Help them to answer the questions above, keeping the conversation focused on them, how they see it, what they have done and what they can and will do differently.

Then, bring both the people together and set some clear ground rules to ensure they understand that this is not an opportunity to personally attack the other person, but a time to look at how the situation arose and what each person will do to diffuse it. Keep the long term objective, company goals, customer service or similar end goal as the focus of why they need to work together better.

The Confrontation Conversation

26 Oct

by Bridget DiCello

The Confrontation conversation is dreaded by many because it may appear to start a “fight” that may or may not be necessary. You may be tempted to “leave well enough alone”. However, if you are forward looking and have a brighter future in your mind for what is possible, it’s essential.

With that said, start by asking yourself these questions:

Do I need to address this issue? Choose your battles carefully. A problem ignored can blow up later. However, nitpicking every detail will wear out a relationship with an employee.
Am I the right person to address it? Is there someone else to whom the employee reports on this issue? Is there someone who has a better working relationship and is in an appropriate position to address it?
Is now the right time to address it? Are they as open and receptive as they ever will be? Will waiting let the situation get worse or the impact of the conversation be less?

When you address a situation that you expect to be confrontational, take a moment, which I call the Opportunity Space (the moment between when someone does or says something and you respond) and ask yourself The Three Questions:

What do I really want to accomplish in the long term? Keep in mind your long term objectives and don’t be side tracked with emotions in the moment.
Where are they coming from? Why is it that they are doing the things they are doing? What is their perspective?
How am I making them feel? However they are feeling is okay, so avoid telling them not to feel the way they feel. It’s what they do as a result that can become unacceptable.

If the confrontation goes badly, you might need to take a break and come back and address it when emotions have calmed down. If the employee gets worked up and emotional, keep in mind it might be a defense mechanism to avoid having the conversation. In that case, any break taken should be short and have the specific purpose of giving everyone time to calm down and come back to finish the conversation productively.

The Accountability Conversation

26 Oct

by Bridget DiCello

The Accountability conversation is one of the most difficult and this is why it does not occur routinely in many companies. This conversation is the one that comes before the disciplinary situation where you’d like to fire the person. It comes during the normal course of doing business and should be an ongoing conversation. It should not be a surprise if you have set the expectation that it is coming.

With that said, start by asking yourself these questions:

What is the specific unacceptable behavior that is causing the problem with performance? Define the specific behavior and avoid accusatory adjectives like “grumpy, bad attitude, lacks initiative, lazy, etc.”
Does the employee know what the expectation is? When have you told them and did they get it?
Has the current performance been acceptable in the past? Still needs to be addressed, but this must be acknowledged.

Accountability works best when both the manager and the employee know it is coming, there is a set routine for doing it, and both people are involved. These are the steps that are most important.

Be sure to clearly explain what is expected. More detail may be required for some front line employees, where higher level employees may have more freedom in how to do the job and the expectation will be more about results.
“Test” understanding. Not by asking them to repeat what you said, but by asking a question that requires they speak about what they will do first, what they expect to be most difficult etc.
Set a time and date for follow up. And make sure they realize what they will have been expected to accomplish by that time. This may be a specific result, progress they will have been expected to make or a task that should be finished.
Stick with the time and date you establish. At that time, ask them to report on their progress, without you having to prod with a million questions.
Keep the accountability going by setting the next expectation and the next accountability date. Have these types of conversations all the time, taking just a moment or setting a sit-down meeting.

Page 2 of 4«123 4 »

Think Growth!

Subscribe to this weekly e-newsletter focused on growth strategy, building your business and leading your team.

Click here to subscribe!

Testimonials

Intense Gut Check
“Bridget DiCello’s Leadership class was an intense gut check on how to do business. Business Owners, Executives, Non Profits, and Professionals can all benefit by learning how to manage teams and communicate effectively with employees. This has helped our company to bring up production and help increase the bottom line. Her classes and coaching have …

Sane and Profitable!
“Bridget has kept us sane and profitable! We hired Bridget to help us manage the chaos of our growing/successful Brand Marketing Agency when it was still in its infancy. She has provided guidance and solutions for: personnel hiring, management and motivation; time management and project coordination; profitability and goal setting; project/client delegation, etc. If you …

To the next level…
“Bridget is a value-add to any business! Her no nonsense approach to the world of business has been a huge reason for my success. Bridget is a class act who I trust to turn to whenever I have a dilemma in my business. I would highly recommend her services to any business owner or manager …

Increased Productivity & Accountability
“Bridget is a true expert in her field. Her methodology “clicked” with our corporate culture, enabling us to develop internal systems and safeguards that increased productivity and accountability of our staff. I would highly advise others to garner her services when needed.” – Gene Mangiante, Owner, Mangiante Photography

Communication

Archives

Think Growth!

Testimonials