listening

What Am I Listening for?

06 Feb
by Bridget DiCello

People like to be listened to, receive your attention and be heard.
We know that we should listen in conversation with friends, associates, employees and supervisors.
Even the Super Bowl coaches say they listen more now to their players. 

But, what is it we are listening for?
Haven’t you been in a situation where you felt you were supposed to listen as the person went on and on…? That certainly didn’t feel like the productive thing to do at that time!
And are you supposed to listen, when you feel you already know “the answer”?

Purposeful listening is paying attention to hear the messages the person is trying to communicate, relating them to your overall purpose for having the conversation, and asking the right curious questions to arrive at these two results.

Listen with a purpose. Know why you are entering a conversation in the first place. If you don’t know why, don’t enter the conversation yet. I’m serious. If it is simply for social purposes, make sure the other person would see it that way too, or they may be trying to communicate something serious and you appear to ignore them.

When you enter a conversation with a purpose, you stay focused on what you want to accomplish, while realizing that unless the other person begins to see and buy in to that purpose, you will not be successful – whether you need their help or cooperation, their willingness to be passive, or their active engagement.

You want reports to be completed on time.
They have a million excuses.
You want to tell them to get them done on time, ask if they get it, get a head nod, and have results be consistent and what you’ve demanded.
Fat chance.
The idea behind listening is to find out why they’ve been late – really why they’ve been late.
By asking questions that lead them through their thought process, and listening to the answers clearly enough to lead them in a way that they will follow you willingly, they will discover why their reports are late. Then you can ask my very favorite question: What specifically will you do differently?

Some of my other favorite questions as you listen are: (asked with genuine curiosity)
Really? Why do you think that happened?
How else could you have approached this?
Then what did they say? (chances are they aren’t listening well to others, leading to miscommunication, a productivity killer)
Why do you think they did what they did? Seriously, why do you think they were ‘upset’, ‘stubborn’ or ‘lazy’?

In order to listen well, you must know what it is you want to accomplish in the conversation, set an agenda if you can, listen for obstacles and positive movement forward, and ask the right curious questions to steer the conversation in a productive direction.

Top 10 Rules for ‘How, not If,’ Conversations

15 Oct
by Bridget DiCello

How to address your biggest challenges, not If you will succeed. 

  1. Don’t “Should” all over them 
    When you want to say, “They should have…” question how clearly you have communicated what they should do.
  2. When we talk, “I will… and you will…” 
    Setting this simple agenda can clarify miscommunication, set expectations, and save a whole lot of time and frustration in conversations.
  3. Address the elephants
    Address those issues that fill the room with tension.
  4. Use the Opportunity SpaceTM
    In that moment between when someone does or says something and you respond, ask yourself what you really want to accomplish, where they are coming from and how you are making them feel – before you respond.
  5. Ask clarifying questions
    Get them to talk.  They think, engage and learn best when they talk, not when you do.
  6. There is always a good and valid reason
    For everything someone does and says – even if the resulting behavior is inappropriate.
  7. Listen with genuine interest
    To hear what is important to them, what they expect, and how they are thinking – all to be able to respond in a way that drives results.
  8. Take responsibility for your impact
    You can’t change how they react, but you can change how you approach them.
  9. Tell the truth, tactfully, with specifics
    Pinpoint the specific behaviors you wish someone who ‘lacks initiative’ to change.
  10. What will I and they do differently?
    Doing something small, but different, is what makes change happen, not repeating yourself, and ‘trying harder’.

Succeed by working to determine HOW you can address your biggest challenges, not IF you can overcome those obstacles.

Do Your Managers Handle Diversity Well?

14 May
by Bridget DiCello

When I search the internet for workplace diversity, results include avoiding discrimination on the basis of race, gender, age, and religion.  Multicultural workplaces and the global marketplace are also popular discussion topics.

Should managers treat people differently because of their race, gender, age, religion or country of origin?  I say, “Of course!”  People are all unique and the qualifiers that have been pulled out in the legal world are only the tip of that iceberg.

Managers have the challenge of dealing with a group of individuals.  If they all look alike, that only serves to provide a false sense of security and comfort for the manager.  Truly that group can be just as challenging to manage since they are all individuals with their own experiences, beliefs, and histories.

Leadership is about interacting effectively with members of the team to accomplish business results.  Plain and simple, leadership is about people, people are all different from one another, and similarities often only delude you into thinking you are effectively communicating with another person.

A leader’s success level results from their ability to genuinely connect with all the individuals on their team to the level where they are able to access their potential and enable that person to become the best employee they can be, while keeping each person focused on their role in achieving the business goals.

In order to connect well, a manager must:

  1. Listen to the employee with genuine interest and be acutely aware of any assumptions they are making about an individual, both positive and negative.
  2. Engage the employee in conversation to learn where the employee is coming from in order to lead them in a productive direction.
  3. Encourage creativity and innovative solutions while diligently pursuing a strong and clear set of goals, within a defined way of doing business (values and culture).
  4. Provide a structure of accountability that is fair but demanding, enforcing this company culture through a series of productive conversations to address employees’ concerns and varying approaches.
  5. Take this aggressive and discerning communication approach to each and every employee to avoid the legal headaches, but also because it is the right thing to do if you want to bring out the best in each and every employee!

Many hard-charging, driven managers who experience a great deal of success will eventually hit a wall because of challenges with their effectiveness in motivating their team to higher levels of productivity and effectiveness.  Upper management often has been trained, mentored or self taught to be more effective, where middle managers may be limited unless their ability to listen, communicate and hold people accountable results in concrete business results.

What does your management team look like?  Do they have the skills they need to take the team members in your company to the next level of performance and motivation?  Are your managers able to embrace the diversity inherent in every team, no matter how much they look alike?