Management

Egotistical Jerk or Passionate Leader?

14 Feb
by Bridget DiCello

If you’ve ever had the boss who has said,

“My way or the highway!”

“…because I said so!”

“That’s just the way it is,” and

“Get it done yesterday – I don’t care how!”

you may be hesitant to come across like a demanding jerk to your employees.

Jim Collins in his description of a Level V Leader says that level of leadership is attained by a humble yet passionate leader.

So, when do you get tough and lay it on the line, even to the point of saying, “That’s just how it is!” to your employees?

You know you’re being a jerk when…

  1. There is a self-serving motive behind your rant like ego preservation, desire to win/they lose, or desire to intimidate.
  2. You do not take the time to let them speak
  3. You honestly don’t care what they think and don’t feel like they can contribute despite their subject matter expertise.

You know you are being a passionate leader when…

  1. You listen curiously and with genuine interest to what they are saying, combining empathy with high standards in your head.
  2. Your blood pressure starts to rise because they have/or continue to do something hurtful to accomplishing the company vision/mission/goals.
  3. You respond carefully and choose your words to avoid being hurtful AND present the mission/vision component with passion because that is the reason why their behavior is a problem.

You can get excited and passionate about your core values, vision, mission and goals.

You cannot scream and yell because someone made you mad and has frustrated you.

You can get determined and definite when what an employee did interfered with overall accomplishment of goals or the way you want your company to operate.

You cannot get miffed, sarcastic and rude because someone kept you personally from meeting your goal.

The mission, vision and core values of an organization are its backbone – the reason it exists and how business will be conducted.  This backbone is something to get excited about and no one will fault you if you get passionate and determined about it, as long as you treat them respectfully (no yelling, swearing, sarcasm, personal attacks or demeaning comments).  You may even appear egotistical if you are personally very invested in the core values and vision.  But a drive towards an admirable vision is always about more than just your desire to accomplish it, and that will come through to your team.

The Confrontation Conversation

26 Oct
by Bridget DiCello

The Confrontation conversation is dreaded by many because it may appear to start a “fight” that may or may not be necessary.  You may be tempted to “leave well enough alone”.  However, if you are forward looking and have a brighter future in your mind for what is possible, it’s essential.

With that said, start by asking yourself these questions:

  • Do I need to address this issue?  Choose your battles carefully.  A problem ignored can blow up later.  However, nitpicking every detail will wear out a relationship with an employee.
  • Am I the right person to address it?  Is there someone else to whom the employee reports on this issue?  Is there someone who has a better working relationship and is in an appropriate position to address it?
  • Is now the right time to address it?  Are they as open and receptive as they ever will be?  Will waiting let the situation get worse or the impact of the conversation be less?

When you address a situation that you expect to be confrontational, take a moment, which I call the Opportunity Space (the moment between when someone does or says something and you respond) and ask yourself The Three Questions:

  1.  What do I really want to accomplish in the long term?  Keep in mind your long term objectives and don’t be side tracked with emotions in the moment.
  2. Where are they coming from?  Why is it that they are doing the things they are doing?  What is their perspective?
  3. How am I making them feel?  However they are feeling is okay, so avoid telling them not to feel the way they feel.  It’s what they do as a result that can become unacceptable.

If the confrontation goes badly, you might need to take a break and come back and address it when emotions have calmed down.  If the employee gets worked up and emotional, keep in mind it might be a defense mechanism to avoid having the conversation.  In that case, any break taken should be short and have the specific purpose of giving everyone time to calm down and come back to finish the conversation productively.

Getting People Engaged

23 Sep
by Bridget DiCello

Engaged people are those who are interested enough to do something.  Engagement means movement.  Action.

What makes people act?  A desire to act usually comes from a desire to reach something greater than where they are either because of discomfort with the current situation or a vision of what’s possible beyond the current reality.

What does that mean for you in trying to get team members, peers, associates, and employees engaged?  Create an Invitation and find Common Ground.

Create an Invitation:  I’ve heard it often said that people will act because someone asked them to.  Will you help someone who asks?  Will you get involved because someone you trust invites you to?  Will you respond when someone explains what they need you to do?

Too often, people may not get engaged in a process, in planning, in executing and in implementing because it is easier not to.  Easier not to put themselves out on a limb, extend beyond their level of confidence, assume their help or involvement is not needed or assume what they are currently doing is enough.  If you see possibility beyond where your team is currently operating, invite others to see what you see, and ask them for their specific participation.

“You’ve put a lot of time and effort into this.  I appreciate all you’ve done.   I can’t help thinking that we could make it even better if we…  Will you help me by …?”

Find Common Ground:  People act because there is something in it for them.  I don’t mean people are self-centered and selfish.  I mean that each of us operates from our own point of view and when something is exciting, important and valuable to us, we tend to get involved.

Have you ever learned something new or gained more in depth knowledge about a cause, a problem or a challenge, and then decided to get (more) involved?

Finding Common Ground requires that we have a conversation with whomever we are trying to get more engaged.  It means we share some of our passion, and let them respond and determine for themselves what it is they are excited about.  There are often many facets of a project, problem or situation and the specific reason we get excited may not be the same as another person, and yet we both can become avid workers towards the end goal.

“I was thinking about the reason we started working on this project and how exciting it will be when we achieve the goal of…  What is it that you are most excited about?”

Who on your team needs to be more engaged?  Who do you wish would be of more help to you in what you are trying to accomplish?  Have you issued the Invitation and do they see the Common Ground?

“I Know You Can Do It!”

18 Aug
by Bridget DiCello

“I know you can do it!”  Why are these such powerful words?  When voiced by a someone about a colleague or team member, they express confidence in that person.  Despite the independent, confident, maybe egotistical approach of people who are difficult to work with, I believe there is a great lack of self-confidence under the surface, being hidden by confident speech.  When someone who they respect, whether because of a great relationship or by only an official relationship, says they believe they can do something, it energizes that person.

You are telling them that you believe in them and that they should believe in themselves.  Too mushy for you?  Well, it’s powerful and used well, can bring about significant changes in performance and levels of cooperation.

Do you tell team members this who you find difficult to interact with?  Can you get yourself to believe it for those who have less than stellar performance?

Why would you say this if you don’t believe it 100%?  There is power in what we say about ourselves and what others say about us.  By saying, “I know you can do it,” you are instilling a determination in that person.

You will find the most success when you follow up by holding them accountable to what they have agreed to.

What if they fail?  Doesn’t that mean you were wrong?  No!  It just depends on what timeframe you are talking about.  If you say they can accomplish something and they get frustrated because they didn’t get it done in a week.  Push harder.  Insist you know they can do it and ask them what the next step they are going to do is.  Everything is accomplished with a series of small steps.

Sometimes team members may at first look to prove you wrong in order to stay in their comfortable current level of performance.  Insist you believe they can do what needs to be done, that they have the ability to learn and to accomplish more than they have.

Try it.  Say, “I know you can do it!” with conviction to each person important to your success once a week and see what happens!

Learn from Leaders who Fail as well as from Leaders who Succeed

04 Aug
by Bridget DiCello

If you wish to become a more effective leader within your organization, it makes a lot of sense to study great leaders, read what they write and what others write about them and talk to them if you can get the opportunity.

However, it also makes sense to study and talk to the leaders who have tried and failed, and to successful leaders about their failures.  It’s powerful to learn from mistakes others make, especially from those who have been in positions of leadership, stressful situations and under great pressure.

Ask them to share with you not only what not to do and but learn also what to do instead.  It’s very difficult for anyone to focus only on what not to do.  It’s important you gain from these leaders what they would do again if they had the chance to do it over again – hindsight is a powerful 20-20 view.

David Burkus has a great story on his blog about the power of studying failure – by looking at the bullet holes in an aircraft.

To learn from a leader’s experiences, Ask Questions.  Just because a leader’s approach was successful in their situation, their advice may be hard to apply to your world.  Dive into their decision making processes as well.  Ask how they decided to take the path they took in their particular situation to become successful in it.

A successful leader probably doesn’t realize all the good things they did, just the more obvious or those about which they are most proud.  The more questions you can ask about situations where they were successful, and the more you can get them talking, the more knowledge you can glean beyond the things they would tell you if they only summarized their lessons.

These suggestions assume that you can have a one-on-one conversation with these leaders.  That is the environment where the best lessons are learned.  Because most of us cannot call Bill Gates and make a lunch date, you need to think of the leaders you know and ask for a bit of their time.  If you are prepared with intelligent questions, that you send them prior to the meeting, many leaders will be happy to share their insights and wisdom.

What insights have you learned from your failures?

Power Words in Difficult Conversations

29 Jul
by Bridget DiCello

Have you ever seen the person you were speaking with shut down in reaction to something you said?  The words you choose can make a huge difference.

Be aware of these powerful words and use them carefully and purposefully:

1. No – “No” stops people in their tracks.  It puts up a wall.  It closes down communication.  Even if you disagree or feel the answer is “No,” you can sometimes still answer “Yes” and clarify the conditions in your response.  For example, the employee asks, “Can I have a $5/hour raise?  You could say, “No way!”  Or you could say, “I’m glad to see your drive.  Here’s what I would need to see in order to give you a raise of that size.  You would need to increase your production by 200%, train new people in the position and be a leader on our annual project.”

2.  Yes – At the same time, “Yes” is extremely powerful as well.  It makes people happy to talk to you.  It opens doors.  It opens communication.  If there is any way you can be honest and forthright and say “Yes,” do so.

For example, “Yes, I’d be happy to look at that.

Let’s find 10 minutes next week,” is much better than saying, “I’m too busy and can’t look at that right now.”  That would cause them to feel unimportant, no matter how busy they know you are.

3. You – It’s almost impossible to start a directive sentence with the word “You” without it feeling like you are pointing a finger.

An example: “You need to fix that problem.”   Instead you might say, “I’d like to see you take on that challenge.  Why don’t you give it a try and if you’re struggling come see me to ask me some questions.”

4. Why – “Why” can be a pushy sort of word, even if you don’t mean it to come across that way.

An example: If I asked you, “Where did you go to college?”  You tell me where, and I ask, “Why?”  You say, “Because I liked it there when I visited.”  I say, “Why?”  Eventually, you start to feel as if I am being critical of your decisions.  Use the other “W” words if at all possible to ask the same question, but in a less pushy way.  “What made you decide to attend that college?”  “When did you make a decision on which college to attend?”  “Where else did you consider attending?”

5. But – When you put “but” in the middle of a sentence, you are usually saying that one half of the sentence is a lie.

An example: “I really like that idea, but it won’t work.”  “That’s a great idea, but…” is essentially saying that it is not a good idea.  Replace the “but” with a pause or an “and.”  “That’s a great idea, and I’d like to explore the details a bit more, including the cost of implementation.”

6. Their name – Everyone likes the sound of their own name.  I realized the other day just how little I ever said my best friend’s name.  You tend to just talk if you are around someone a lot.  Getting someone’s attention by using their name is powerful and will start the conversation on a positive note.

Have you ever responded powerfully to one of these words?  Maybe you bristled when someone told you “No!” or started a statement with the word “You.”  On the other hand, maybe you felt good when you heard the word, “Yes,” or someone used your name when they were speaking with you.  Do you use these power words often and well?

Top 3 Myths of Motivating Others – Do you talk too much?

12 Jul
by Bridget DiCello

People motivate themselves.  However, there are things that leaders can do to facilitate the process.  But first, let’s examine a few common myths.

People get motivated by an energetic, enthusiast leader. Some people do, and some just find that level of energy annoying or downright exhausting.  (If you do, you’re probably an introvert who would find great information in reading The Introvert Advantage, a great book recommended by a friend years ago.)  This energetic leader may get others excited about what they are doing, but rarely will this excitement alone result in the person displaying lasting motivation.  And, it can be very difficult for a leader to maintain that enthusiasm level, when they are expected to be the fuel for everyone’s fire all the time.

People get motivated by fear of repercussions. I read once that people would much rather experience all kinds of terrible repercussions than go through the painful process of changing their behaviors.  And over and over I see that is true.  If it’s easy to change their behaviors just enough to not get fired, people may do that, but never will they be motivated by their fear to do any more than the minimum.

People get motivated by hearing how important it is to get things done. It’s true that people are motivated when they are excited about the expected results, ambitious goals and the vision and mission of the organization.  However, the motivation does not necessarily appear because they heard about the expected results or vision/mission.  Very few people will become motivated for longer than a brief time when they hear something.

Most people will agree that those who are motivated do things.  Dictionary.com defines motivating others as “to stimulate toward action.”  There is a long distance between hearing something and doing it.

Therefore, in order to get others motivated, you need to find a way to get them TO TALK and TO DO.  And ensure they experience success, however small, as a result.

To Talk and To Do:

1.  Stop Talking. If you want to get a message across, speak some and then stop.  Ask questions and have a conversation which includes getting the other person talking.  Talking about the importance of the project/task, the possible methods for getting it done, the obstacles they see, the fears they have and the first steps they will take.

2.  Make First Steps Happen. In order to get started, some people need to be “forced” to take the first step, possibly because of fear of the unknown or perfectionist tendencies which lead to procrastination.  Laziness is often a misnomer.  As their manager, you might have to determine the first step with them, decide on a deadline and hold them to it.  When they experience success, their motivation level will increase.

What successes have you experienced in motivating others?  What challenges do you face?  Do you talk too much in your efforts to motivate others?  Are you effective at holding others accountable?

You Can Talk, but Can You Communicate?

24 May
by Bridget DiCello

Eloquent.  Intelligent.  Clever.  Articulate.  It’s a pleasure to listen to a well-spoken person.

Communicating, as opposed to speaking, requires that a message is sent and that a message is received.  Do you ever feel like you are just not getting through to someone?  You may try to rephrase what you are saying, say it again or remove distractions.  All these tactics work on the speaking end, but fail to take into account that in order for the message to be received the person on the receiving end must be ready, willing and able to be communicated to.

The ability to hear and understand is often the easiest to ensure – is the person intelligent, educated on the topic and experienced in the area being discussed?  It is the “ready and willing” that can be missing.  Are they worried, upset, offended, personally distracted, colored by their experiences, their successes, their failures, and their interactions with you that have gone well or badly in the past?

You communicate with a variety of people on a variety of topics every day.  However, I would guess that there are a few key interactions that are most important.  Maybe you:

-          are trying to ease tension between two team members

-          are working with a particular employee in whom you see great potential

-          are developing leadership skills within your middle managers

-          are trying to decrease turnover in your sales team or front line employees

-          wish to access the creative potential of all your employees to improve your bottom line results through increased efficiency or new product development

-          desire to improve the customer service offered by your organization

These are the situations where you may wish to spend a bit more time evaluating your effectiveness in communicating:

  1. Is your message clear?  Are you sure what you wish to accomplish?  Have you outlined it to the extent that someone else can grasp your full message?
  2. Are you communicating to the right people?  Are they able to lend their expertise, assistance or suggestions in this area?  Are you leaving anyone critical out?
  3. Are they ready and willing to listen and respond?  Where are they coming from?  What is important to them?  How do they see the situation?  What is on their mind right now?

To get your message across the best thing you can do is get the other person talking about it.

  1. What questions can you ask to get them involved in conversation so you can listen to how they view the situation, the options and possible solutions?
  2. How is this communication making them feel?  Worried?  Inadequate?   Overconfident?  Overall, are the two of you communicating or are you talking to a wall?

You can do a lot of talking and very little communicating if you aren’t speaking, asking questions and listening purposefully.  Who is it that you find it most difficult to get through to?

Do Your Managers Handle Diversity Well?

14 May
by Bridget DiCello

When I search the internet for workplace diversity, results include avoiding discrimination on the basis of race, gender, age, and religion.  Multicultural workplaces and the global marketplace are also popular discussion topics.

Should managers treat people differently because of their race, gender, age, religion or country of origin?  I say, “Of course!”  People are all unique and the qualifiers that have been pulled out in the legal world are only the tip of that iceberg.

Managers have the challenge of dealing with a group of individuals.  If they all look alike, that only serves to provide a false sense of security and comfort for the manager.  Truly that group can be just as challenging to manage since they are all individuals with their own experiences, beliefs, and histories.

Leadership is about interacting effectively with members of the team to accomplish business results.  Plain and simple, leadership is about people, people are all different from one another, and similarities often only delude you into thinking you are effectively communicating with another person.

A leader’s success level results from their ability to genuinely connect with all the individuals on their team to the level where they are able to access their potential and enable that person to become the best employee they can be, while keeping each person focused on their role in achieving the business goals.

In order to connect well, a manager must:

  1. Listen to the employee with genuine interest and be acutely aware of any assumptions they are making about an individual, both positive and negative.
  2. Engage the employee in conversation to learn where the employee is coming from in order to lead them in a productive direction.
  3. Encourage creativity and innovative solutions while diligently pursuing a strong and clear set of goals, within a defined way of doing business (values and culture).
  4. Provide a structure of accountability that is fair but demanding, enforcing this company culture through a series of productive conversations to address employees’ concerns and varying approaches.
  5. Take this aggressive and discerning communication approach to each and every employee to avoid the legal headaches, but also because it is the right thing to do if you want to bring out the best in each and every employee!

Many hard-charging, driven managers who experience a great deal of success will eventually hit a wall because of challenges with their effectiveness in motivating their team to higher levels of productivity and effectiveness.  Upper management often has been trained, mentored or self taught to be more effective, where middle managers may be limited unless their ability to listen, communicate and hold people accountable results in concrete business results.

What does your management team look like?  Do they have the skills they need to take the team members in your company to the next level of performance and motivation?  Are your managers able to embrace the diversity inherent in every team, no matter how much they look alike?

Top 5 Mistakes Leaders Make when Promoting from Within

04 May
by Bridget DiCello

He was a great employee.  He was the perfect choice for the management opening.  His talents and skills, his focus on results, his expertise with customers and systems – all made him a great choice for the promotion.  Why then is he doing such a terrible job as a manager?  Did you make the wrong choice?

Too often, leaders forget that a promotion to management requires a major transition.  From being great at what they do to taking on a whole new set of tasks, to measuring their own success in completely different ways, to losing their peers who they knew and liked and gaining employees from whom they need to keep a distance, it is a traumatic experience.  Are you there to help them through it?

Here are the Top 5 Mistakes that you might have made in the transition:

1. Assumed their tactical expertise would directly translate into management expertise. Many leaders have their own story of how they were thrown into a management role and had to figure it out the hard way.  Some survive that way and some don’t.  Internal promotions also assume that the person has more knowledge about the bigger picture or that the expectations from above are clearer than they are.

Create a training outline. Every new role, whether it be for a new employee or a promoted employee, should be prefaced with a training outline – the list of things that they need to know in order to be successful in the new position, when they will be taught or expected to know/master each area, and what mastery looks like.  If there are things that they already know, they can be quickly checked off.

2. Failed to teach them the management skills necessary to thrive. Managing people requires they understand how to create and communicate expectations, connect with their direct reports, inspire them to do well, and engage them in productive accountability discussions.  These are not natural skills to most individuals and must be learned and then coached by their supervisor.

Do an honest inventory of these skills, and plan to help them to learn more in the areas which they are weak. Provide them books and resources, the opportunity for a mentor and key leadership relationships, classes or a leadership coach, and teach them yourself the areas in which you excel.  Don’t ignore a lack of skills that you have noticed from their time as an employee!  Use that information.

3. Did not set your expectations clearly. There is an incredibly long distance from what is in your head to what comes out of your mouth.  Your new manager cannot read your mind. There are many things you may expect that you have never clearly outlined or discussed, even if you have worked with them for some time. “Improve morale” may mean one thing to you and something quite different to the promoted manager.

Clarify your expectations. Ask yourself:

§what the most important tasks are that they will do

§what results you hope they will achieve

§how you’d like them to do the job – detailing only necessary details to keep them focused but giving them room to do it their way

§what other managers have done that you do not like and wish the new manager not to do and

§what deadlines you would put on each of these expectations and how you will measure whether or not they have been a success.

4. Offered no accountability. Even the best employee who takes initiative and tries their hardest will not thrive without some degree of feedback.  This step is critical and is often seen as unimportant – especially if you already know this person to be a start employee.  In order to meet your expectations and company goals, they must receive input as to what they are achieving and where they are falling short.  If delivered along the way, they have time to tweak their performance, not just to fail or survive in the end.  If you don’t provide feedback, yet let them continue to under-perform, shame on you!  If you don’t provide feedback in the areas they are doing well – don’t expect that behavior to continue!

Provide routine, expected, conversational feedback. Set a routine conversation, with a set agenda (of focus areas, new skills to learn, tasks to perfect, action items, successes, challenges, etc.).  The conversation is scheduled, the appointment is kept and the new employee is expected to be the one to prepare for and report on the agenda you have set.

5. You never asked them to think. Transition to management can be a traumatic one.  Suddenly, they are in charge and powerful, yet they’ve lost their peers and their comfort zone.  They are no longer rewarded for doing the tasks they are good at, but expected to think strategically and develop other people as well.  There are very few right answers and very few set processes in management.  Management and leadership are about getting to the results, using processes in place, improving them as necessary, solving problems and developing people. If they are not thinking – you’re in trouble.

Get them to think. Getting them to think requires that you set the direction, ask questions and get them talking about how they see the situation, possible solutions and approaches and why they will choose the avenue they choose.  Too often managers of managers still want to be the one to solve the problems even though they have a manager to lead their team to solve a problem.  Thinking through a situation can be facilitated greatly by a manager who asks the right questions instead of giving the solution.  You want your new manager to be independent, so ask them the questions and get them to think!

What mistakes have you made when promoting someone to management?  What have you done right?

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