The Confrontation conversation is dreaded by many because it may appear to start a “fight” that may or may not be necessary. You may be tempted to “leave well enough alone”. However, if you are forward looking and have a brighter future in your mind for what is possible, it’s essential.
With that said, start by asking yourself these questions:
- Do I need to address this issue? Choose your battles carefully. A problem ignored can blow up later. However, nitpicking every detail will wear out a relationship with an employee.
- Am I the right person to address it? Is there someone else to whom the employee reports on this issue? Is there someone who has a better working relationship and is in an appropriate position to address it?
- Is now the right time to address it? Are they as open and receptive as they ever will be? Will waiting let the situation get worse or the impact of the conversation be less?
When you address a situation that you expect to be confrontational, take a moment, which I call the Opportunity Space (the moment between when someone does or says something and you respond) and ask yourself The Three Questions:
- What do I really want to accomplish in the long term? Keep in mind your long term objectives and don’t be side tracked with emotions in the moment.
- Where are they coming from? Why is it that they are doing the things they are doing? What is their perspective?
- How am I making them feel? However they are feeling is okay, so avoid telling them not to feel the way they feel. It’s what they do as a result that can become unacceptable.
If the confrontation goes badly, you might need to take a break and come back and address it when emotions have calmed down. If the employee gets worked up and emotional, keep in mind it might be a defense mechanism to avoid having the conversation. In that case, any break taken should be short and have the specific purpose of giving everyone time to calm down and come back to finish the conversation productively.